However, when you put your underwear on inside out, then go to the bathroom and see that Calvin Klein is backwards across the band, you will have a little bit of a meltdown and begin sniffling into the provided, cheap, one-ply toilet paper and wondering how you are going to manage taking everything off to turn your underwear right-side-in without actually touching anything inside the stall (impossible) before someone else comes in and sees your clothes all over the floor and tells everyone about it the next morning.
At least that is what other people have told me...
Back to my life...
This is just evidence that I'm overworked and overstressed and undersleeping and underdrinkingcaffeine. I don't even know how I get to my office most of the time. The hour or so in between waking up and getting to work is spent in a complete daze but I'm somehow able to OPERATE A MOVING VEHICLE in that time frame.
That is called skill, people. Be jealz.
I usually don't say a word in that whole hour because any sort of speech that would come out of my mouth would be unintelligible. I would sound exactly like Ozzy Osbourne actually, and that is both amazing and terrifying.
Work would be so much easier for me to deal with if no one talked to me at all because 99.9% of the time, when people are talking to me, it's because I need to do something for them in addition to all of the other 4.2 million things I need to do every day.
It's gotten to the point where I now show up to the office waaaaay before the sun rises, and waaaay before any of my office mates shadow the doorway, because I like to check my e-mail and work on my computer in a quiet, dark room entirely alone for as long as possible.
That probably sounds
I would say that it gives me a head start to my work load, but the thing about work is that it is infinite, and I might not be good at math, but I'm pretty sure no one can't count that high and accomplish everything on their to-do lists.
So with this late-to-bed, early-to-rise schedule, I have been highly forgetful about the direction of my underwear and, you know, other things:
What day is it?
Did I shower today?
Who ate this entire bag of candy corn?
Am I wearing deodorant?
What's my name?
In my spare time (ha ha ha, that's a joke!) I have been re-reading the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time, and while this has been very enjoyable, it is not helping me decompress because it is making me consider unrealistic ideas.
By unrealistic ideas, I mean, like, magical ideas..
Like, why can't Avada Kedavra be a real thing, you know? It would come in handy when unreasonable requests at work are thrown my way, which is pretty much all of the time.
"You want me to re-do all of the PowerPoint slides before the meeting?"
It would probably be easier if you just deleted the whole presentation and started from scratch.
"But the meeting is in one hour."
I know, and I want to review everything before I present them at the meeting, so could you get these done in about 30? I'm going to grab some lunch now.
And make me some notes to present with too.
You see what I mean? If I could have control over my work with a little bit of magical assistance, then I would be so much happier and underwear would be a thing of the past. I would still wear it, of course, but inside out, right side in, on the outside of my pants, WHO WOULD CARE IF I COULD KILL YOU LORD VOLDEMORT STYLE?