Summer Vacation

Firstly, I haven't written in awhile because work has been INSANE this last month, and with my inevitable exhaustion that follows such insanity comes a strong desire to sit on my couch and eat Doritos every evening watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians in my polar bear fleece pants sans my laptop.

If I bring out my laptop to start a blog post, I actually get all shivery and anxious because it reminds me of work. Even though my office has the shittiest Dell computers ever, my own Mac Book haunts me with its access to Microsoft Outlook.

What if someone e-mails me telling me I need to come in? (I mark that stuff as "unread" and pretend that I never read it.)

What if someone e-mails me asking where I was for lunch the other day? (I was shopping for eye makeup remover...)

What if someone e-mails me asking me if this blog is mine? (Lie, lie, lie, lie!)

But anyway, there has been a silver lining for me because right now, at this moment, like now, I am on vacation. I'm over a thousand miles away from my office. There is a giant pool outside my hotel window. I am getting an awesome tan. Some Latina woman (who we call Consuela because that sounds like a fun, hip name for an elderly maid) makes our bed every morning.

This is the life.

When I was growing up, I liked summer vacations away from school for, like, a hot minute. Then I would get a little bored...I would start missing my school library...and I would be miserable until the new semester started.

If I could meet myself as a kid, I would shake myself by the shoulders and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO OUTSIDE!" because all I want to do as an adult is escape outside! All those summers I never took advantage of? Gone! Wasted! You can't save that shit, people! It's not like rollover minutes!

Someone really needs to get on that though. How can we save "minutes" on our phones but no one has figured out how to save entire weeks and months of summer time from our squandered youth? It can't be that hard. You would make a fortune too.

I will have 12 days of summer vacation this year. Twelve glorious, glorious days of drinks that cost $14 each and sheets that have a higher thread count than I thought possible. It has been awesome, and I am just over halfway done, but I am savoring every minute that I have left.

Now, if only my co-workers would NOT call me every day...assholes. I didn't call them when they were on their vacations!

In fact, I had secretly hoped that they would never come back to the office...